Like this:

This afternoon, my new boss sent me a meeting note titled “status check”. After a week, it’s obviously a good idea. But, after thinking more about it, I realized that in the whirlwind of living with a new job, my status is a bit  difficult to verbalize. But, here’s a shot.

Overwhelmed
My new company is small (only about 30 employees), but the past week has been filled with meetings and marathon training sessions as I learn the right processes and dive into their database — which is a beast. Databases and I are strange bedfellows, given that the last job had a database that was largely useless. So, it’s a good thing to have a database that actually works and does amazing things, but it’s a whole. new. world. There are more meetings to finish out this week and next and then I think I’ll finally be ready to get into my day-to-day work.

Underwhelmed
My job will require that I manage a portfolio of college textbooks being published for each academic season (fall, winter, etc. etc.) My first year, I’ll be managing about 40-45 books. Which falls in the “overwhelmed” category above, but because I’m still learning, my portfolio hasn’t been handed off just yet. Yet, learning is difficult when I have no context to draw from. There’s a part of me that wishes I had my portfolio in hand just to provide some examples during the training process. I also know that the busy season will be quickly ramping up and I’d like to have the most time possible to study my portfolio before it’s all about action. All that being said, I’m feeling a little underwhelmed by the training only because I feel like I’m just taking it in, knowing I’m going to have to go through much of it again when I actually have a project in hand.

Content
I gave up a lot when I left my last job. Flexible schedule, 4 block commute, and a significant amount of vacation days. As I drove to the new job for the first time, I began thinking about all that I gave up and began questioning my decision. But I was miserable at the old joint. I was bitchy, snippy, and negative. The number of coworkers I disliked was quickly gaining on the ones I liked and for me, the people are what make the job.

So, I gave up everything for what I hope will outweigh them all — a happier life. A week in, it’s hard to really judge, but I can already tell I’m feeling more settled in my life. I’ve adjusted to the earlier mornings, the lengthy commute, and the new faces. It’s beginning to feel like home and it’s happening much quicker than I anticipated. I know I’m still in the honeymoon phase and very soon I’ll be cursing my gas bill, but for now, I feel like I’m heading in the right direction. One night last week, DD came over and while he was restless and slightly cranky, I was happy and lively. In the past, we’d both be cranky. The negativity that I felt about my job coupled with the demands of his job really weighed us down. But these days, our time together isn’t spent with me complaining about my job. It’s filled with hope and good vibes instead of the soul killing vibes the job used to burden me — and us — with.

Anxious
The last job didn’t really have any critical processes. I kept my projects straight using a not-so-complex method of keeping everything in my head and in my planner. The new job is entirely dependent on process and detail. The level of detail is insane. Forgetting to check a box in the database could set a project back. And projects can’t get set back because there are deadlines. Stricter deadlines than I’ve ever faced.  Though I carried responsibility in my previous job, the level of responsibility and attention to detail that the new job involves is daunting. I’ve always said I prefer not to deal with details. On the other hand, when I think about my personal life, I’m all about the planning and details. I write lists, I make plans for the coming weekend on Monday, and I’m always the one in my relationship who knows what’s what. So, we’ll see if my preference to avoid details was related specifically to my previous gig, or if it really is something I hate doing.

Adjusting
I’m re-adjusting my entire routine. Everything in my personal life is affected by my work life. My workout schedule will change. My yoga schedule will change. I’d be smart to rethink the way I prepare meals and shop for food. Slowly but surely I’m working new aspects of the routine in, and so far things are going well. I’m playing with integrating morning workouts back into my life. I’m investigating late evening yoga classes at my studio since I can’t make the ones directly after work. Some adjustments are good (the early mornings are getting me up and moving!) and some are bad (the late evening yoga selection at my studio SUCKS). But over time, I’m confident I’ll adjust. For now, I’m giving myself the freedom to be in flux.

To sum up, I suppose my status could be described as conflicted, but hopeful. Conflicted because it’s all so new. Hopeful because though I gave up a lot, I believe it will be worth it if I’m mentally happier. Not only will I be happier, but my relationships will be more fulfilling — and fulfilled — too. Any new job is a leap into the unknown. And for me, this is only the second leap I’ve taken in my professional career. Hopefully I land with both feet on the ground.

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