So, apparently, going on a week-long vacation with your boyfriend of 9 months causes people to talk. Who knew?
It all started yesterday at DD’s nephew’s birthday party. I noticed DD’s aunt wasn’t her usual open and happy self. In fact, she seemed a little skeptical of me. I’m used to this from his sister, not so much his aunt. But I let is slide, and actually forgot about it until dinner rolled around 9 hours later.
We were at dinner, and somehow DD mentioned that when he’d gone to see his family on Thursday, his cousin mentioned that I fit into the family quite well. I, being the nosy girlfriend I am, asked what they were talking about to have that come up. After a little gentle coaxing, DD replied: “Well, I guess it was kind of a big deal that we went on vacation together. My family was asking me what it meant and if we’re getting engaged and my aunt was telling me that I should be honest with you and not lead you on and that a vacation is a big deal and if I’m not in this for the long run that I should tell you.” He went on to explain that his friends and colleagues had been posing the same questions.
Damn. Poor kid. Poor, relationship-challenged kid. All my family said was: “Did you see the Capitol?”
So, how does one handle this? Of course I want him to say that he’s in it for the long haul and that he loves me. But I know better, I know marriage is the furthest thing from his mind, and hell, we haven’t even exchanged the L-word, except for that one drunken time on New Year’s Eve when he let it slip and then took it back the next day when I asked him about it.
I took it all in and replied “[DD], you know that I only wanted to go on vacation with you to get some uninterrupted time together. To get away from work and other commitments and all those things that keep us apart each week. And don’t worry, it’s only been 9 months…I’m not looking for a ring tomorrow. It’s just too soon. So, no matter what your family (and coworkers…and friends…) say, we know our relationship best and we both know marriage isn’t on the table for discussion right now. And you’re not leading me on. You’re always honest with how you feel.”
And all I said was true, really.
Except that I have thought about marriage and apparently it hasn’t even crossed his mind. Except that I know that I’m probably more invested in this relationship than he is at this point. Except that this is his first real relationship, and what are the odds that someone actually marries their first real relationship? I expressed some of these concerns to him and told him relationships scare me because of all the uncertainty. But the alternative is never dating and living a rather lonely life. I told him that this relationship in particular scares me because it’s stable and good and unlike any other I’ve been in. And yet, it’s fragile and uncertain. In some ways, it’s my first real relationship, too. So how do two rather inexperienced people handle this situation?
One way is to do what DD did and say “Listen, what’s important is that we know where each other is coming from. We know why we went away for a week and I left our vacation caring more about you.”
Wow, 7 days with a whiney, bitchy Supergirl and he cares more about me? That was all I was hoping for out of the vacation. I don’t know what all those other people expected.