I know, I know, I’ve been kinda M.I.A this week. And when you’re trying to build a blog, you need to keep readers coming back…which means you need to post very regularly. So yeah, I suck. But never fear! I’ve been keeping a little list of the blog-worthy items that have come to mind — so let the posts pour forth.
I referenced DD’s family a couple blogs ago and their interest in a potential engagement due to our recent vacay. And I mentioned neither of us is even close to that stage. Well. Apparently, DD’s family isn’t the only group with such thoughts. I mentioned the conversation to my mother last weekend, and she quickly piped up and said she was thinking the same thing as his family, but just hadn’t said anything. We continued to talk and I explained that we’re both happy where we are and that he’s not even thinking about marriage. She replied –
“Well. He should start thinking about it. What are you going to do? Date five years? Because at your ages, you just don’t have that kind of time if it doesn’t work out.”
What?! “At my age”?!?! Since when does my age equate to being an old lady with no time to waste on dating?
So that’s scenario one. Scenario two took place a couple days later when talking to a coworker who is my age and has been married for a couple years. Instead of the marriage deadline looming, she is feeling the baby deadline looming. She recognizes that she doesn’t want to be an “old” mom, that there are other life events that need to be planned around, and her clock’s a’tickin, yet her husband and her are just not ready. As I listened to her very valid points, it suddenly hit me. I looked at her and said “Since when does 30 equal death?”
And while I mean that in jest, there’s some societal truth in it. There’s so much expected of you in your 20s. Graduate college. Get a job. Get married. Have babies, or at least start to have them. Frankly, when I turned 20, I thought I’d have at least 3 if not all 4 of those covered by the time I hit 30. But the past couple years, I’ve realized that just ain’t happenin’. And that’s OK with me. My clock is completely the opposite of my coworker’s, because it’s not even on. Sure, I’d like to get married, but I’m realizing more and more I have a very idealistic idea of marriage, so I haven’t even begun to sit down and think about it realistically. And that’s OK.
Yet, the “ya ain’t getting any younger” argument is more than valid. Women have a finite amount of time to have children. And though it’s getting longer and longer with each grandma that pops out new babies, I don’t intend that to be me. So, if I want to have kids I should probably get on that within the next 10 years (or less!) But, I’m not even close to marriage and I do require that step to happen first. And even if I do get married in a couple years, which would be the earliest and unlikeliest it could happen at this point, I’d love to have a few years of “couple time” sans children. With that approach, before I know it, that 10 year (or less!) cushion is going to be over.
I thought your 20s were supposed to be the time of your life. And they are, but it’s a little frustrating when society places all these major milestones in them. Isn’t the “time of your life” supposed to be fun? Instead, it’s suddenly feeling like a lot of work. And depressing work at that, if you don’t succeed by that magic 30.
Honestly, I hadn’t even thought that far ahead. I was just taking things slowly and enjoying the present. Heck, half my 20s were taken up with educating myself, not finding a husband! But now, the thoughts are percolating. What if I do want to have kids? All the things I’m currently enjoying at a relaxing pace would have to speed up. And I don’t want them to. But I also agree there is a certain window of baby-making time, and pretty soon, the state of my union with someone else could be a major barrier.
I’m 26 and single. I thought I was doing pretty good for myself what with having a decent job and having fun with a decent guy. Who knew I was behind the proverbial curve of life? Who knew 26 was “old”?