Why is it that women put the men in their lives before their girlfriends? I’m not even talking about husbands, who naturally should come before anyone else. I’m talking about plain old boyfriends. And I won’t even take myself out of this situation, I am just as guilty as the next smitten kitten.
It’s on my mind because it happened to me this past weekend. A girlfriend and I made plans, only to have half of them cancelled because new plans came up with her boyfriend. Granted, I fully accepted her profuse apologies because the bf had gotten a ticket for her to the Red Wings playoff game. Definitely an excusable ditch…and besides, I ended up getting a ticket for the game with another friend, so it all worked out.
The situation did get me thinking about the issue in general, though. As my friend apologized left and right, I explained that I totally understood the situation this time, but I realized that I wish we hung out more overall. And I feel that about all my friends. But, many of them have husbands or boyfriends and those come first. Trust me, I know how that goes — I’m equally at fault of cancelling plans (or hesitating to make them) in favor of what my significant other and I are doing (or might be doing).
I don’t know why we do this. Men don’t ditch their friends for the women in their lives. If it’s poker night, it’s poker night. They don’t check what our plans are for the weekend before making plans of their own. If they don’t get to see us because they make separate plans, it’s not a big deal; they know they’ll see us a different day. Why can’t we be more like that?
Instead, we wait to make plans with our girlfriends so that we know our man’s plans first. In fact, girls nights are often initiated in my circle of friends when a man is out of town and the woman needs something to do.
I’ve tried to be better about this bad habit since dating DD. I was infamous for it pre-DD, but he makes it easier to avoid because he is very independent. He has made it clear that I’m a priority, but so are his friends, family and career, and that means we’re not going to see each other every single day. It was difficult to adjust to at first, but now I actually enjoy the fact that I can keep my own routine and not feel like I’m giving up my own hobbies to be completely available for him. Yet, I still find myself waiting to make plans until the last minute on weekends because that’s the main time he and I get to spend time together. And by the time I find out our plans and know the available time I have to spend with friends, they’ve inevitably made plans of their own. So we’re back at square one.
I’m not really sure of the solution. Maybe you get to the point where you’re living together and seeing each other every single day, so the prospect of hanging out with your friends is actually more enticing than spending time with your significant other.