The things we do for men

Why is it that women put the men in their lives before their girlfriends? I’m not even talking about husbands, who naturally should come before anyone else. I’m talking about plain old boyfriends. And I won’t even take myself out of this situation, I am just as guilty as the next smitten kitten.

It’s on my mind because it happened to me this past weekend. A girlfriend and I made plans, only to have half of them cancelled because new plans came up with her boyfriend. Granted, I fully accepted her profuse apologies because the bf had gotten a ticket for her to the Red Wings playoff game. Definitely an excusable ditch…and besides, I ended up getting a ticket for the game with another friend, so it all worked out.

The situation did get me thinking about the issue in general, though. As my friend apologized left and right, I explained that I totally understood the situation this time, but I realized that I wish we hung out more overall. And I feel that about all my friends. But, many of them have husbands or boyfriends and those come first. Trust me, I know how that goes  — I’m equally at fault of cancelling plans (or hesitating to make them) in favor of what my significant other and I are doing (or might be doing).

I don’t know why we do this. Men don’t ditch their friends for the women in their lives. If it’s poker night, it’s poker night. They don’t check what our plans are for the weekend before making plans of their own. If they don’t get to see us because they make separate plans, it’s not a big deal; they know they’ll see us a different day. Why can’t we be more like that?

Instead, we wait to make plans with our girlfriends so that we know our man’s plans first. In fact, girls nights are often initiated in my circle of friends when a man is out of town and the woman needs something to do.

I’ve tried to be better about this bad habit since dating DD. I was infamous for it pre-DD, but he makes it easier to avoid because he is very independent. He has made it clear that I’m a priority, but so are his friends, family and career, and that means we’re not going to see each other every single day. It was difficult to adjust to at first, but now I actually enjoy the fact that I can keep my own routine and not feel like I’m giving up my own hobbies to be completely available for him. Yet, I still find myself waiting to make plans until the last minute on weekends because that’s the main time he and I get to spend time together. And by the time I find out our plans and know the available time I have to spend with friends, they’ve inevitably made plans of their own. So we’re back at square one.

I’m not really sure of the solution. Maybe you get to the point where you’re living together and seeing each other every single day, so the prospect of hanging out with your friends is actually more enticing than spending time with your significant other.



Filed under DD (aka My Man), Hmm, relationships

5 responses to “The things we do for men

  1. trendycamper

    I have to object to the extent that you might be overgeneralizing just a smidge 🙂 Ask my friends how I treated them when I started dating my wife, and you’ll get a similar rant. I think the situation depends more on the individual’s proclivities.

  2. Cog

    Seriously, Trendy… They’re still printing your face on milk cartons…

    And,you, SuperGirl? Poker nights with the guys?! Delusional. I can’t even get enough time to watch Robocop 3 (dvr’d SIX WEEKS ago), let alone escape for a full evening of bacchanalian male-bonding revelry. Case in point: Friday night, instead of guzzling fine ales with Trendy, I painted the bathroom. And she wasn’t even in town. Snap!

    Stop letting pink books and romantic comedies get to your head and crack the whip!

  3. Supergirl

    Well, sirs, that’s because you boys are whipped. Perhaps my friends and I should take some lessons from your s.o.’s. And you should take some lessons from the men I roll with these days so you’re not left painting the bathroom alone on a Friday night!

    And Robocop 3 is dumb. (Yeah, it’s the best comeback I had 🙂 )

  4. trendycamper

    Whipped? I don’t know about that. My “S.O.” and I just have so many interests in common that there’s no reason not to hang out unless one of us is working.

    After a week with most other people, I’m ready to start doling out punishment with the nearest available blunt instrument. Not so with the wife – when our schedules keep us apart for more than 24 hours, we tend to overcompensate by shirking our other responsibilities and absconding, just the two of us, to the comforts of Chicago or a secluded campsite up North.

    I suppose it’s not fair to make the comparison, though. She’s way cooler than most chicks. And, because I don’t want to be the person to break the streak, here’s the obligatory smiley face 🙂

  5. Cog

    Whipped? Naw. Try devoted and caring. I make it my point to make sure she’s happy. Even if it means getting high on paint fumes – alone – to make it happen. That said, if he’s reading this, he should totally get off his duff and let you know his plane landed without becoming a cinematically awesome, but ultimately deadly, ball of flame. Not cool.

    By the by, Robo Cop 3 is an excellent dystopian social commentary heroically tackling the equally dystopian reality that is our fair city of Detroit. More than a mere film, its gritty portrayal of corporate greed, governmental incompetence and totaly awesome robot cops with jet packs will be lauded for generations as a hallmark of journalistic integrity. Plus, Robo Cop has a JET PACK. How cool is that?

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