One of things I have refrained from talking about here is my job. Mainly because there hasn’t been any drama of note, but also because it’s not necessarily a blogger best practice to rant on and on about how much I hate my job. Well that all ends today.
Actually, this isn’t going to be a post about how I hate my job. Because I don’t. I’m just kind of bored with it. I’m ready for a change. A new challenge. And last, but certainly not least, I’m ready to move out of entry-level hell and make some more cash.
I’ve been stuck in entry-level hell for nearly 4 years. And truth be told, I don’t understand why I’m still in it. I’m a competant employee who has always accomplished her goals and gone the extra mile to keep things going. I’ve watched my peers with the same amount of experience and drive get promoted above me and I won’t lie, it’s really disconcerting for my competitive nature. What’s wrong with me that I can’t do the same thing? Why are they better than me?
I know realistically they aren’t better than me. They work for other supervisors who have different standards. They didn’t have to endure a messy department shake-up that left me with a completely new job, forcing me to basically start over on the ladder of experience when I very well could have been promoted in my old job.
Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t just asked for promotions that don’t exist. At one point I formally applied for a newly available position that was at a higher pay grade. I didn’t get it, that supervisor left and was replaced by my current one, who then gave me that same job I applied for and didn’t get…but at my current pay scale. Granted, she could have laid me off with everyone else, so I’m happy with what I got.
But even though I try to look at the bright side, after almost four years of things like this, it’s still frustrating.
So I’ve been casually looking. Had some interviews for so-so jobs — you know, the kind that aren’t exactly what you want to do, but close enough and worth the switch for the bump in income. And then I had the dream job come knocking. A position came available at a place I interviewed at (and was rejected) before taking my current job. This new position was exactly the second chance with them I’d been hoping for. I thought, FINALLY! I can see those visions of the satisfaction that comes with putting in my two weeks come to fruition! But after weeks of waiting, I found out today it wasn’t meant to be. Someone with more than twice the experience I have got the gig. Understandable enough not to totally bruise my self-esteem, but to bum me out a little.
With that discovery, I’m back at square one. Not sure what to do next and no real options presenting themselves. There’s a glimmer of hope for some growth at my job, but I’ve thought that before.
Through this whole process, the biggest realization has come with learning how little I make and the potential for what I could be making somewhere else. Which serves to just frustrate me more because it forced me to realize I’m just really sick of being poor.
Then again, I am beginning to wonder if I will always feel poor, regardless of the amount of money I make. It’s the plight of being a cheapskate. I don’t spend money frivolously, so it’s ingrained in my head to not spend money, no matter how much I have. To take the cheap option. To not splurge. I have a feeling that even if my salary was $100K, I still wouldn’t be buying those fabulous suits I covet everytime I walk into The Limited or whisking myself away on luxury vacations. And when I think about it, I am grateful that I at least have all I need, and have the ability to splurge on travel and other special items occasionally thanks to a long but profitable 2 years of living at home to boost my savings.
So I guess I’m saying all of this to say that I need to just get over it. Deal. Realize I’ve got a job and that’s more than lots of people in Detroit these days. Keep my eyes open where I’m at and where I could be going. For the most part, I’m in an optimistic mood these days.
Still, I just wish something would break loose.