Where do I even begin? It’s nearly 11 and I finally made it home after a day from hell. All I want is a glass of wine, but since I prefer red and hence leave it at room temperature as opposed to chilling it, and since my apartment is hot as hell, the red wine is also too hot, making it impossible to enjoy.
But that’s just the last straw of my crankiness.
I have to back up a week to get to the root of it. Remember when I mentioned there might be some growth at my job? Well that all came down on Monday when the person above me officially announced he is moving departments. As the only other person that does his job, the work naturally is falling to me. Which I’m really excited about. He had the biggest projects of the two of us, and the coolest.
In the meantime, I’ve also been dabbling in project management. And I see it as a good skill to have, that I want to build…but not leaving behind my current job, because that’s what I feel like my career is.
So, fast forward four days. Today I had my goal-setting meeting with my supervisor this afternoon and I tell her I want to do more project management. After discussing it, it appears I can’t do that and my current job (or the job of the guy who’s leaving). I’ve got to pick one — the track I’m currently on, or the new track I’ve only been dabbling in.
And I have no fucking clue which to pick.
This decision brings on a lot of self evaluation and thinking and regardless of the path I choose, there are things I will probably have to come to terms with. But the one thing that’s really bothering me is that I just don’t understand why I have to choose. In my ideal job I’m doing both. My ideal job has me working at a PR firm that both helps their clients plan/manage their communications…but also executes them. In that scenario, the two tracks are present, and part of one job. If I owned my own little PR business, I’d be doing both. So why do I have to pick? There’s got to be a career path out there that utilizes both skill sets. And truth be told, the way my office is set up, I’ll be doing both no matter which I pick. So, again, why?!?!
Obviously, this has my brain in an uproar since I’m talking about it to anyone who will listen, including innocent blog readers. And it’s making me cranky because in addition to making this major decision in the next week, I have to take on added work since my colleague’s last day is tomorrow. And he was in the middle of a major project that I now have to pick up and complete on a short deadline.
Ideally, all I want to care about is that I have a day off tomorrow, and I’m getting a manicure and seeing my fabulous boyfriend, who I haven’t seen in over a week. Instead of reveling in day-off bliss though, I’m thinking about the millions of things that need to be done and the decision that needs to be made.