This weekend was another slew of crazy-crazy Supergirl moments. With DD out of town and a promised date tonight newly unpromised as of Friday due to his travel schedule, I started the weekend in a funk. Which got worse as I attended a various events. My crazy-crazy wanted to come out and party, and my mood was the poor wretch who got dragged along for the gruesome ride.
I had a whole rambling blog written that detailed my crazy-crazy moments, but then I decided there was just no good way to write it without it sounding like gobbledy-gook. And, I decided not to cross my boundaries again. The intimate details of my relationship will stay out of the blogosphere tonight.
But, I will say that my relative crankiness and descent into crazy-crazy Supergirl finally came to a head this afternoon when DD called to check in. I wanted to rationally discuss what was wrong with me, but crazy reared it’s ugly head before I could stop it and I went all passive aggressive comparison shopping on him. I was snide and snippy until he threatened to end the phone call…and then I brought out one of my flaws that he hates…the good ole comparing-to-other-relationships-card.
Yeah, obviously not what I was planning. A light fight ensued. Remarks were bandied, tears were shed. Once we got past our frustrations and to the heart of the issue, we were fine. We both know we’re not blaming the other — the situation that caused my Sad Sally face is just a situation that comes up from time to time. And when it does, it’s not a matter of me being mad at him, it’s a matter of just needing to vent. He’s not a venter, so when it comes up for him, he pushes it back down. Me, I gotta talk it out.
We ended the call on good terms and I went back about my day. But then I got to thinking: the whole scenario had really taken a lot out of my weekend. I wasted so much mental energy on being cranky, on comparing my relationship to other ones, and on wallowing. And I regret it all just a tad.
I really wish I was better about not comparing myself to others. It’s not a good mental health practice for my self-esteem to be engaging in. I’ve gotten better about it, I know the grass isn’t greener on the other side. So this weekend I tried to put the comparisons out of my head, but they were in my face and I allowed myself to succumb to it. And then forced DD to be privy to it.
So I guess my question is…does anyone out there in the great internet void have the same crazy-crazy trait? Perhaps we could form a support group or something. Work through our comparison shopping issues together. Or maybe, if you’re a survivor, you have some tips for how overcoming it.