Last we left my adventure in the corn fields, I was sitting around, bored as hell. Man, did that change come Thursday.
I woke up early to pick up DD from the airport in my aunt’s BMW. Which I loved. Especially the navigation system that got me to the airport and back. I was so happy to see DD and finally feel like I was rescued from all the family time. Unfortunately, we didn’t get much alone time as Thursday was also the rehearsal day for my cousin’s wedding. We spent the afternoon helping to decorate the reception site and then returned to my aunt’s to get ready for the rehearsal. It was also on this fateful Thursday that I encountered a new form of “-zilla”…the BridesMAIDzilla.
This form of zilla invited herself at the last minute, a.k.a the day before the wedding, to crash at my aunt’s, which was already bursting at the seams with her three children — one of which was the bride — as well as DD and I. I was already bunking up with the bride Thursday night, but with Zilla’s arrival, I now got to boot my other cousin out of his bed and onto the couch because there just weren’t enough beds.
And don’t even get me started on the bathroom situation Thursday night. One bathroom + 5 people trying to get ready in an hour? Not a good equation. Especially when one of the five is the bride, who deserves to spend as much time as possible getting ready, and the Zilla, who took entirely too long to get ready for someone who’s not supposed to be the center of attention. Of course, there was a bathroom on the first floor, but the future MIL had overtaken it to get ready. Why she and her husband were also at my aunt’s is still a concept I have difficulty understanding. With the MIL and Zilla conspiring against us the remaining 5 people trying to take a pee, it wasn’t an ideal situation. I know that my two male cousins did not get into the bathroom prior to heading to the rehearsal, and I had to force Zilla to move the fuck over so DD could get a corner of the bathroom counter in order to brush his teeth and shave.
Obviously she’s not so good with noticing how much space she’s taking up in the world.
We eventually all got off to the rehearsal, which went off without a hitch. The hitch of course occurred the following day…but just barely.
We woke up on Friday for hair appointments at 9 a.m. For a 6:30 p.m. wedding. I normally have a hair appointment that early for a 2 p.m. wedding, so you may ask why on earth we were there so early? Well, they only had two people doing hair for 7 different attendants. And then we had to do 5 hours worth of pictures. First, outside in 90 degree heat. In long black dresses. It was fun. If you call sweating in places you never knew you had, “fun”. And of course the entire time, Zilla was trying to get the photographer to take photos that she thought would be cool, or that were taken in her wedding, or her sister’s, or her fifth cousins’s. It’s only by pure fate that I was able to look at the woman, much less interact with her without killing her. Then we were back at the church taking photos before the wedding. Which is where things got dicey.
My cousin had been standing in her (very tight) dress for many hours. It had been a long week full of MIL drama, preparing, and the general variety of bridal nerves. It was a bit too much to take for her because she started feeling ill during the photos. We wrapped those up and she headed back to the bridal dressing room. I stayed behind to spend some time with DD and the fam, but when I went to the dressing room about a half hour later, I found my cousin sitting down, dress OFF, and near tears. Apparently, she’d come down with some unwelcome stomach issues. So bad that she was actually nervous to walk down the aisle because she might get sick in the middle of the process. Tears ensued, calming words were uttered, and it was all we could do to get her in the dress and ready to go in time for the wedding. I talked to the pastor and negotiated some extra seating time for us, so that took some stress off of her since she figured she’d have at least a bit of a break from all the standing; and off we went.
Funny thing, once she walked down the aisle, she said she felt fine. Which I had predicted, but you know how it is when you’re ill. Nothing can talk you down, you just have to deal with it in your own way.
Then, finally, the party came and it was a great one. I was a big fan of the favors — wine bottle stoppers! Something I’ll actually use!! Score! I was also a big fan of the copious amounts of dancing. DD and I had taken some impromptu lessons from my aunt and uncle the night before and we were quite the dance machines.
To recap, there were several lessons from the week that I will keep in mind when planning my own wedding, which hopefully will occur sometime before I’m 80. These include:
- Not allowing any family/friends/random people to stay with me the week before the wedding. Except maybe my parents. But no one else. My aunt is a saint for letting DD and I (and the Zilla) stay with us, and I can only imagine how much added stress it created for my cousin.
- Depending on who my future MIL is, I may develop an intricate plan that keeps her away from me the week before the wedding. My poor cousin had more than one meltdown over things the MIL did that week.
- Weddings include a ridiculous amount of details and drama. A small affair in the Bahamas seems like a sure bet for avoiding 90% of it.
DD and I flew back yesterday and I stayed at his place last night. I give him a ton of credit for putting up with all that family time. There were many occasions where he was outnumbered by women, and also many occasions he had to do work and not relax as one should on a vacay. And he handled it all in stride.
Today, we headed back to the workweek. He celebrated his return by finding out his car had been broken into over the weekend. I celebrated mine by being innundated with work, deadlines, and brash e-mails from my boss finding flaws in my work. Neither of us are particularly happy to be back to the real world.