Not living up to my name

My Supergirl monniker isn’t so accurate these days.

I don’t think I ever shared how I chose my blog name. At work, we were coming up with fun nicknames for everyone on my team and I settled on Supergirl because I do a bit of everything, which must mean I can do anything! You name it, I can do it. Photography? No sweat. Media relations? Sure thing. Writing collateral? Why not. Coming up with entire marketing plans? I’ll have them next week.

When I started my blog, I thought the name was cute and catchy so I used it. Besides, I really am Supergirl, right?

Yeah, not so much.

This month has been nothing but headaches. I’ve made two fairly major mistakes at work in the past two weeks — one of which could have cost the organization money, but I avoided it; and another that is shaping up to cost several thousand dollars if someone doesn’t get in there and fix it for me. Yep, I’m now at a point where people higher than me have to fix my mistakes. And I hate that.

To my boss’s credit, she hasn’t gone ape-shit on me yet. Which is somewhat surprising given her random mood shifts, but I’m considering myself lucky. However, I am getting a little sick of the panic attacks that have been coming on as I figure out how to — yet again — explain a mistake to her.

After all, I’m supposed to be focused on upward mobility. I’m supposed to be taking on more work and doing it effortlessly — just like Supergirl would. And in doing so, I’m supposed to be proving myself so that I can get that coveted manager title and accompanying salary, which would hopefully take me out of the suburban ghetto and into a much nicer pad.

To prove yourself, you probably have to not make so many mistakes.

In reality, what’s happening is that I’m learning. Which is what’s supposed to happen when you’re thrust into a new job with little or no direction. Unfortunately, I like to beat myself up. I like to pummel myself upside the head when I don’t do things exactly right. Because even though I’m in a new-ish role, I’ve been at the organization nearly four years and I should know everything by now. According to me at least. And truthfully? This latest mistake? I actually should have known better. This mistake was not a new role, I’ve been doing it since my first day on the job. The mistake just became a mixture of my oversight that would have been small had a confluence of ridiculous events not occurred that even the best psychic couldn’t have predicted. But the events happened and my minor mistake has become one gigundo problemo.

I hold myself to a higher standard than this, and I’m not living up to it. I feel like my work is slipping. The e-newsletters I’ve been tweeting about all week? They suck. Because I haven’t had the time to focus on them and give them the attention they deserve. OK, maybe they don’t suck; they’re adequate, but I know I could have done better and it frustrates me that I can’t and still maintain any sort of a work/life balance.

They aren’t the only thing I feel slipping. There’s so much I want to do at work, but I can’t get out of the muck of the day-to-day. I come in every day with the best intentions of working on those wants, but instead I get bogged down by unrealistic deadlines placed on me by the internal departments I serve (aka my clients) and the other things that pop up along the way. I struggle to find the balance between accommodating the needs of my clients and the reality that the deadlines they demand really don’t fit in the overall plan for the organization. And as more and more of these things pop up, I get sidetracked, lose focus, and inevitably oversights and mistakes are made.

Some would say I need help. But the funniest thing about this whole situation is that I’m the type that finds it easier to just do it myself instead of teaching someone else. So, with as much as I bitch about having too much to do, I don’t want to just hand it over to someone because that creates a whole new set of problems and to-do’s. Plus, I doubt they’d authorize me to have help. We like to run a small ship.

Supergirl would know what to do. She’d get it done and she’d get it done flawlessly. Me on the other hand? I’m just a bumbling amateur playing dress-up in a sexy superhero outfit.

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5 Comments

Filed under career, glass half empty, Hmm

5 responses to “Not living up to my name

  1. I have no ideas for help… But I am fascinated by the fact that you just wrote, nearly word for word, a conversation I have daily with myself at the UDub.

  2. Trust me, I was feeling that way myself 🙂

  3. Cog

    Work is just work. If all you’ve got left when you go to bed is a sexy superhero suit, I’d call that a victory…

  4. Even Supergirl has an off month or day. Things might be tough now but you’ll be back to Supergirl status again soon 🙂

  5. I’m so sorry you’ve hit such a rough patch. Although for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing exactly what Supergirl would do. She may not actually always feel completely confident, and she may not always get it exactly right, but she will always do her damndest to do the right thing and keep those insecurities to herself (while on the job, of course, she would TOTALLY vent on her blog!!).

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