Well, I’m back. And apparently with a vengeance. So sorry if you’re easily offended. I’m not one to drop the F bomb, at least not in my writing. But these letters (and my general case of the Mondays) warrant such vulgarities.
Dear work IT guys,
I love you. I really do. You hook me up with good stuff and talk me through all my computer issues. And I totally know it wasn’t your fault that the entire e-mail system crashed over the weekend, royally f*cking our Mondays up.
But, does it really take you four days to look up a software price for me? Seriously? Perhaps instead of just telling me the software I want is expensive, you could instead tell me how much “expensive” is. Instead of acting like you know better than me and thinking that I don’t need said software, you could instead realize that my job has changed in the past week and I now maybe need this software to do my job better. It’s not like I ask for things just for fun. (Well, except for a laptop. I really want a laptop.)
So, tomorrow, instead of putting me off yet again, could you please just look up the cost of the f*cking software and tell me what it is. Don’t judge my reasoning, just tell me the damn price and let me and my boss make a decision on whether I need it or not.
I promise I won’t bug you about a laptop again for at least a week.
Your favorite marketing girl
Dear Landlord S.,
Well, we’ve now finished Day 2 of me attempting to contact you. And I’m not just talking about a call here or a voice mail there. I’m talking a call-you-every-hour-between-10-and-5 type of contacting you.
And you haven’t answered.
I swear Landlord S., you have no idea how much mental and physical energy I have to waste when I need to get in touch with you. This is why I never contact you.
And hence why my bedroom AC unit has been broken since I moved in.
You did admit you are “lackadaisical” when I moved in. So part of this is my fault. But to not answer a ringing phone at least once in the 20 times I’ve called you in the past 2 days? That’s a new level of lazy.
Mostly, I try to avoid you and it works. Yet, on occasion, things arise where I really need your help. A broken AC unit is an inconvenience. An exterior door that is peeling paint all over my “foyer” and looks like shit? That’s something that needs to be fixed. A DTE Energy letter telling me they haven’t been able to read my meter since December and have been billing me an estimated bill ever since? That’s something that needs to be addressed.
I need you to be f*cking available. I do not like setting an MS Outlook reminder to go off every hour telling me to call you again.
And yet this is what I’ve resorted to. And it’s still not f*cking working.
I’ve really gotten to like my little ghetto fabulous apartment and its very cheap rent. But if you don’t get your shit together, I will move. I’m no longer bound to the ghetto by my income and I will take my rent check somewhere else. It will hurt my pocketbook, but my Outlook reminder list will thank me.
You cash my checks every month; you can take my phone call.
Hoping for a winner on Day 3,
Your pushover tenant