Monthly Archives: May 2009

Saves me a trip to David’s Bridal

A good friend of mine (we’ll call her N) is getting married, and I wasn’t asked to be in the wedding.

<cue woe-is-me soundtrack>

Not that I’m not happy that I don’t have to buy yet another dress I’ll never wear again, but I am a bit surprised. And yet not.

She and I met each other about 4 years ago at work and at one point we were incredibly close. We initially bonded over life-changing break-ups and even traveled abroad together. There was a time that I would have thought without a doubt we would be in each others weddings someday.

The past year or so has been much different. We both got caught up in our respective boyfriends and lives and lost touch outside of work. Then, both of our work responsibilities grew, and we didn’t have any time to chat during the 9-5.

She got engaged a few weeks ago, and there was a part of me that thought I might be asked to be in the wedding. But I wasn’t. It made all the growing apart we’ve done this year hit home.

Now I know some of you may say that it’s not that I’ve lost my friend, it’s that she has a lot of friends and only so many people can wear 50 yards of satin at one time. And trust me, I get that. That’s why I’m not sad about not being in the wedding. I’m just sad about what it represents.

These days, more and more of my friendships seem to be going down the path to Facebook friend status, instead of real life status.

I know it’s no one’s fault. Lives change. Priorities change. Even I’m guilty.  I met this wonderful man and  got quite wrapped up in my romantic life for awhile. Now, two years later, I’m seeing the downfall. But it wasn’t just me that fell away. It seems we all got a bit wrapped up in our own lives. Take N and I for instance. We’ve been trying to get together for dinner for a year now. We finally did a few months ago, but she got sick before we’d even sat down to dinner and had to go home.

We’ve talked about rescheduling. We’ve thrown out dates and ideas, but four months later, we still can’t seem to get our shit together to sit down for one meal. Obviously if that’s a difficult task, seeing each other on a regular basis is probably going to be close to impossible.

It’s not just her that I feel like I’m parting ways with. Another friend moved across the country a month ago. She was my go-to girl for spontaneous evening walks and viewings of The Bachelor. Other friends fall into the “got lost in a boyfriend” category and now have less time for friend stuff.

I’m realizing that I need to put some serious effort into making new ones. Which is rather daunting, given that it’s hard to meet new people with the same interests as you. Especially when your interests are rather solo endeavors like reading and watching reality TV.

I did get a line on a new book club that I’m considering checking out if I can get up the courage. I won’t know anyone, but I’m hoping it has a larger group of women my own age compared to the one I currently go to. I’ve started trying to bond more with DD’s girlfriends by going to things without him. It’s been nice, but I hesitate to get too close. I’m very much of the mindset that I need some separate friends from his.

Now, I just need to find them.

God I hate dating. Even if it’s dating for friends. Maybe there should be a match.com for this?

11 Comments

Filed under Hmm, relationships

The no good very bad day

Remember that children’s book Alexander and the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day? I used to love that book.

Probably because Alexander was a glass-half-empty-cynic after my own heart.

Remember how I said on Monday that I wanted to get back to blogging and get back to exercising? Well, wouldn’t you know that I came down with my usual head cold on Tuesday. Since I’m basically a wimp when it comes to being sick, I proceeded to drag myself home from work on Tuesday and curl up on the couch for some TV and recuperation instead of blogging and yoga.

About an hour into said recuperation, I was met with the screeching and scratching of an animal — probably a squirrel — in my attic. I ignored it at first, because let’s face it, this has happened before and I know Landlord S ain’t gonna do anything about it. But after awhile it got so loud that I was afraid it was actually somewhere inside the apartment. I got on top of my kitchen table (because isn’t that what you do when you fear rodents are in your house?) and called my favorite useless drunk of a Landlord.

Landlord came by after 10 minutes of coaxing and heard nothing, giving him no incentive to light a fire under his britches and call pest control.  I spent the next 20 minutes in a very mentally painful conversation with the man and then proceeded to spend the next two nights at DD’s in the hopes of forgetting about my new rodent roommate.

And then I got sicker. Like unable to breathe, up until 4 a.m., sicker. I finally dragged myself home this morning, hoping maybe Landlord S. had made some progress.

Nope still screeching. And no signs of pest control stopping by. It took me no less than 10 calls to reach Landlord S. today, who claims he did call pest control.

I have my doubts. Truthfully, in the two years I’ve lived here, he has not fixed one thing I’ve asked him too.  It’s as if I have battered woman’s syndrome. I keep going back because he tells me he doesn’t want to lose me, he wants me to stay, he will fix things, and I keep hoping he’ll change so I can keep paying my cheap rent in my fabulous location.

But, dealing with his ineptitude while my head is filled with snot has actually provided a moment of clarity.

I deserve better than this. I’m escaping.

I called an apartment building down the street that is a couple hundred bucks more in rent and not that much of a step up from my current place. But, it’s managed by an actual property company instead of some random dude. I’ve learned that some random dude does not a property manager make.

Needless to say, the past couple days have been negativity fests, which isn’t abnormal given my tendency to look at the glass as half empty.  Knowing that this does nothing for my mental health, I’ve been trying to reverse it by thinking positively: Your cold will be better in just a couple days, at least it’s not swine flu! OR At least the squirrel’s not IN the house.

It’s sort of working. But I’m kind of ready to feel better. And then move. Because I’ll bet you $10 that that squirrel outlasts me as a tenant at the House O’ Rodent.

4 Comments

Filed under DD (aka My Man), glass half empty, Landlord S, rants

I have a blog?

Apparently I forgot this during the past week and a half. To get back into things, here’s what I’ve been up to since last we met:

Done:

  • Worked like a crazy person — except not. It’s been odd, really. Work’s been busy, but I haven’t had to work crazy late hours. Must be this new brand of productivity I’ve been trying. It’s called not reading blogs at work.
  • Married off my high school friend. Months of planning the road trip to the wedding finally came about and it all went off with a hitch, just as planned.
  • Fell more in love with DD. There are days that I look at him and think WTF am I doing?! And then there are days, weeks even, when we spend five straight days together, when he selflessly drives my friends and I across four states to see our friend get married, and when he does it all with a smile on his face that I think thank God I met him.

Not done:

  • Work out on any sort of meaningful schedule. I somehow managed to squeeze in yoga a couple times, but cardio and weight training have gone completely out the door.
  • Blog. Obviously.

Hoping to remedy the latter two things. We’ll see how it works out.

5 Comments

Filed under DD (aka My Man), rambling nature, travel

I’m a people person

For those that don’t know, I work in marketing. Half of my job is strategy and the other half is executing said strategy. Which inevitably includes writing marketing materials. To do that, I’ve always had an art director to work with, a very similar set-up to the copywriter/art director partnership you see at any ad agency. It’s very much a team effort and one doesn’t function without the other. My art director and I sat across from each other and talked constantly throughout the work day.

Until this March, when he was laid off. But no biggie, we kept him on as a freelancer. He still attended meetings and was still available for face time and collaboration. But then he got a full-time job. He’s stayed on as our freelancer, but he’s only available after 5 p.m.

Just like that, my face time, and collaboration in general, was gone.

You’d think it wouldn’t be too difficult to transition from a partnership to a solo endeavor. After all, I’m not incompetant. I know what I’m doing and how to do it. But since it happened, I’ve been stuck.  Just sitting in a vacuum of nothingness because I’ve lost much more than a coworker. I’ve lost a collaborator. I truly can’t be as effective a writer without my designer. I can’t be as effective of a marketer without a co-marketer.

It’s interesting to note that we recently did a strengths assessment at work. It told me a number of things, one of which is that I’m very much a people person. So much so that I feel sadder than most when coworkers or friends go away or aren’t around in the first place.

I wouldn’t have understood the assessment’s meaning if this real-life example hadn’t presented itself. So, I finally called a meeting with my designer tonight, mainly to satisfy my need for human contact, but also to talk more in depth about a few things. And I feel so much better. It didn’t even bother us that we had to meet after 5 to accommodate his new work schedule.

I’m still figuring out how to work within our new relationship and while tonight was good, I’m sure there will be speedbumps. To start a project together, we’ve got a couple hoops to jump through, whereas before we simply yelled across the hall. Our communication is mainly via e-mail and phone, which isn’t always conducive to long talks or brainstorming sessions — another critical element to our work. But if I can adjust a bit to that, and still try to integrate some face time, I think we’ll be OK.

So what about you? Do you mainly work alone or with others? Which do you prefer?

Note: Thanks so much for the comments about my passion-less being!! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one searching.

7 Comments

Filed under career, rambling nature

Searching for passion

Passion is something that doesn’t come easy for me. It’s not that I have no passion, it’s just that my passions constantly change. I go through spurts where I just love a certain thing (yoga, blogging, writing, reading…) and then after overindulging that particular passion, I just get sick of it. So, I’ll take a break, move on to something else, and come back to it after some time has passed.

Which begs the question: Do I have any passion at all? 

After all, isn’t passion something that never goes away? Something that stays with you, buried deep in the pit of your being?

For the most part, I’ve been OK with the up and down nature of my passions. That is until my boss asked me to find my passion. And I? I looked at her like she had five heads and have proceeded to avoid her for the past five weeks.

Productive, I know. Maybe my passion is procrastinating?

I should probably get back to her with some sort of answer. See, she’s big on doing what you’re passionate about and this conversation is part of a bigger professional development conversation. One of her concerns is that I (and anyone, really) wake up in 20 years wishing I would have done something different. So she’s pushing me on it while I still have time to do something about it.

I get where she’s coming from and I appreciate the sounding board she provides. After all, she’s a pretty smart lady and one can learn a lot from her. But this passion thing? I truly have no idea where to look.

I actually really love what I do, but I wouldn’t say I’m passionate about it. There are a few days I love it, a few days I hate it, and many days in between where I just like it. Much like yoga.  Or writing. Or anything else I’ve ever claimed to be passionate about.

Maybe my definition of passion is too strict. Maybe I am passionate about what I do and just have unrealistic expectations about what passion really is.

So while I search for a passion that lasts longer than my usual whim, tell me: what does passion mean to you? And what are you passionate about?

7 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Playground Politics

This weeked was packed with family time with DD’s peeps. Saturday was his nephew’s first communion with a little league baseball game thrown in for good measure. Sunday was his aunt’s birthday complete with a bbq and several rounds of Catchphrase.

Something that has me pretty excited these days is the progress I’m making with DD’s two nephews and niece (Ages 8, 6, and 2 respectively). As an only child, I don’t have a lot of experience with kids. This makes me rather afraid to have kids of my own someday. I seriously have no idea how to interact with them. Seriously, I use big words and they look at me like I’m a crazy person. As a result, I’ve spent the majority of the past 2 years staying on the outskirts of playtime.

The tides seem to be changing, though. Over the past month or so, his niece has started to recognize me and even remembers my name. Before, she barely acknowledged me. Usually, his nephews are so wrapped up in their cousins and other little people running around at family events that they don’t even say hi. This weekend further solidified our progress because for the majority of it, it was just the immediate family.

On one such occasion, we all took a little walk to the park. DD’s cousin and her fiancee joined us and the three kids. His niece seemed particuarly drawn to me — wanting me to hold her instead of DD, wanting to swing with me, wanting to go down the slide with me, etc. etc.

It’s been years since I’ve been to the park with a child. As we walked up, I was hopeful that we’d have an enjoyable time sliding and swinging and climbing, and maybe even meet a new friend or two.

Boy was I wrong.

The park was packed with kids due to a birthday party nearby. DD’s niece (we’ll call her V) immediately climbed up the steps to go down the slide and his cousin and I followed her. At the top of the platform was a little girl, probably about his niece’s age. I thought to myself “oh, isn’t this nice, maybe a little playmate.”

No. Instead of being friendly, the little girl just kept butting in line. In fact, there was one time when I was standing right behind V so that I could grab her and go down the slide with her on my lap. Instead, the other little girl crammed herself between the two of us and V was so excited to go down the slide that she flew down before I could grab her. Luckily it was the little slide, so she didn’t have far to go and landed safely on her bum in the dirt. Still, I was annoyed.

After that, the little girl continued to follow us around, which really wasn’t a problem, except she didn’t say a word to us (not even a baby-sized word), and I never saw her parent. For a child that age, it bothered me that she seemed unsupervised.

Then, when V and I had graduated to the big slide, we were getting ready to go down (this time with her firmly on my lap), and some boy about 5 or so was sitting at the top of the slide. Not coming, not going, just sitting. I asked him if he was going to go down the slide and he said he was waiting for someone. He called another little girl’s name and she proceeded to take no less than 5 minutes to get up to the slide. While V and I just stood there. I asked him if we could go while he waited and he stood there, firmly planted in his spot at the top.

If I wasn’t a mature adult, it’s possible I would have socked the kid for being a slide hog.

While I had these two rather negative encounters with our fellow playmates, I didn’t think anything of it. Figured I was just uptight or something and didn’t understand playground politics. But then we joined back up with DD and the boys, who had been off to the side doing something else. As we walked home we talked about the park and DD’s cousin and her fiance made a comment that the kids at the playground didn’t seem very friendly and some were even down right rude.  

It was then that I realized I wasn’t uptight, that those kids were losers. I totally should have told V to hit the slide hog.

6 Comments

Filed under DD (aka My Man), family values, S is for sports