A good friend of mine (we’ll call her N) is getting married, and I wasn’t asked to be in the wedding.
<cue woe-is-me soundtrack>
Not that I’m not happy that I don’t have to buy yet another dress I’ll never wear again, but I am a bit surprised. And yet not.
She and I met each other about 4 years ago at work and at one point we were incredibly close. We initially bonded over life-changing break-ups and even traveled abroad together. There was a time that I would have thought without a doubt we would be in each others weddings someday.
The past year or so has been much different. We both got caught up in our respective boyfriends and lives and lost touch outside of work. Then, both of our work responsibilities grew, and we didn’t have any time to chat during the 9-5.
She got engaged a few weeks ago, and there was a part of me that thought I might be asked to be in the wedding. But I wasn’t. It made all the growing apart we’ve done this year hit home.
Now I know some of you may say that it’s not that I’ve lost my friend, it’s that she has a lot of friends and only so many people can wear 50 yards of satin at one time. And trust me, I get that. That’s why I’m not sad about not being in the wedding. I’m just sad about what it represents.
These days, more and more of my friendships seem to be going down the path to Facebook friend status, instead of real life status.
I know it’s no one’s fault. Lives change. Priorities change. Even I’m guilty. I met this wonderful man and got quite wrapped up in my romantic life for awhile. Now, two years later, I’m seeing the downfall. But it wasn’t just me that fell away. It seems we all got a bit wrapped up in our own lives. Take N and I for instance. We’ve been trying to get together for dinner for a year now. We finally did a few months ago, but she got sick before we’d even sat down to dinner and had to go home.
We’ve talked about rescheduling. We’ve thrown out dates and ideas, but four months later, we still can’t seem to get our shit together to sit down for one meal. Obviously if that’s a difficult task, seeing each other on a regular basis is probably going to be close to impossible.
It’s not just her that I feel like I’m parting ways with. Another friend moved across the country a month ago. She was my go-to girl for spontaneous evening walks and viewings of The Bachelor. Other friends fall into the “got lost in a boyfriend” category and now have less time for friend stuff.
I’m realizing that I need to put some serious effort into making new ones. Which is rather daunting, given that it’s hard to meet new people with the same interests as you. Especially when your interests are rather solo endeavors like reading and watching reality TV.
I did get a line on a new book club that I’m considering checking out if I can get up the courage. I won’t know anyone, but I’m hoping it has a larger group of women my own age compared to the one I currently go to. I’ve started trying to bond more with DD’s girlfriends by going to things without him. It’s been nice, but I hesitate to get too close. I’m very much of the mindset that I need some separate friends from his.
Now, I just need to find them.
God I hate dating. Even if it’s dating for friends. Maybe there should be a match.com for this?