Saves me a trip to David’s Bridal

A good friend of mine (we’ll call her N) is getting married, and I wasn’t asked to be in the wedding.

<cue woe-is-me soundtrack>

Not that I’m not happy that I don’t have to buy yet another dress I’ll never wear again, but I am a bit surprised. And yet not.

She and I met each other about 4 years ago at work and at one point we were incredibly close. We initially bonded over life-changing break-ups and even traveled abroad together. There was a time that I would have thought without a doubt we would be in each others weddings someday.

The past year or so has been much different. We both got caught up in our respective boyfriends and lives and lost touch outside of work. Then, both of our work responsibilities grew, and we didn’t have any time to chat during the 9-5.

She got engaged a few weeks ago, and there was a part of me that thought I might be asked to be in the wedding. But I wasn’t. It made all the growing apart we’ve done this year hit home.

Now I know some of you may say that it’s not that I’ve lost my friend, it’s that she has a lot of friends and only so many people can wear 50 yards of satin at one time. And trust me, I get that. That’s why I’m not sad about not being in the wedding. I’m just sad about what it represents.

These days, more and more of my friendships seem to be going down the path to Facebook friend status, instead of real life status.

I know it’s no one’s fault. Lives change. Priorities change. Even I’m guilty.  I met this wonderful man and  got quite wrapped up in my romantic life for awhile. Now, two years later, I’m seeing the downfall. But it wasn’t just me that fell away. It seems we all got a bit wrapped up in our own lives. Take N and I for instance. We’ve been trying to get together for dinner for a year now. We finally did a few months ago, but she got sick before we’d even sat down to dinner and had to go home.

We’ve talked about rescheduling. We’ve thrown out dates and ideas, but four months later, we still can’t seem to get our shit together to sit down for one meal. Obviously if that’s a difficult task, seeing each other on a regular basis is probably going to be close to impossible.

It’s not just her that I feel like I’m parting ways with. Another friend moved across the country a month ago. She was my go-to girl for spontaneous evening walks and viewings of The Bachelor. Other friends fall into the “got lost in a boyfriend” category and now have less time for friend stuff.

I’m realizing that I need to put some serious effort into making new ones. Which is rather daunting, given that it’s hard to meet new people with the same interests as you. Especially when your interests are rather solo endeavors like reading and watching reality TV.

I did get a line on a new book club that I’m considering checking out if I can get up the courage. I won’t know anyone, but I’m hoping it has a larger group of women my own age compared to the one I currently go to. I’ve started trying to bond more with DD’s girlfriends by going to things without him. It’s been nice, but I hesitate to get too close. I’m very much of the mindset that I need some separate friends from his.

Now, I just need to find them.

God I hate dating. Even if it’s dating for friends. Maybe there should be a match.com for this?

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11 Comments

Filed under Hmm, relationships

11 responses to “Saves me a trip to David’s Bridal

  1. Amen, Sista! You let me know if/when you find that match.com for friends! It’s so weird that 10 years ago, I was surrounded by people that I called my friends. People that I saw five+ days a week. And then we all went off to college, got into these relationships and suddenly, I have no idea how to make a friend anymore. I just started a photography class, in hopes of making some friends…Yeah, there’s only two other ppl in the class with me and they’re definitely both over 50. So much for that idea. Where does one even GO to meet potential friends? Maybe speed dating for friends?? I feel so…inept.

    Good luck in your frienship dating. 🙂

  2. reederscorner

    I know what you mean about getting out of touch with your friends, it’s practically a part time friend to keep up with all of their lifestyles and the things they’re going through. I do think that match.com for friends would be uber helpful!

  3. I completely understand this. I’ve had lots of friends that I thought I was really close to and then all the sudden that friendship disappears way too quickly. Good luck.

  4. magda

    I generally hesitate to tell total strangers that I know EXACTLY how they feel, but in this instance, I feel that those words may be appropriate. I’ve drifted away from a lot of friends who, at one point, fell into the “we’ll be in each others’ weddings and our kids will be best friends and we’ll be together forever omg” category. Some of it was life changes (law school, med school), some of it was dating; some of it was my moving across the country (didn’t really help). A precious few of those friends remain. When I read about others’ weddings, and lives–lives I’m no longer really a part of, past that of an outside observer–it’s really hard. Not because it’s a personal slight, but rather, like you say, because of what it represents.

    Friendships get a lot harder as we get older. But from my experience, friends come as others go; there’s always some plasticity. Make new friends but keep the old, or however that girl scout song went … I just hate that keeping the old is often such a struggle.

  5. I experienced a similar transition when I started dating Sweets. He became my tv-watching pal. He became the first person I’d tell about something important. He became my best friend. And while I had lots of girlfriends who used to fill those roles, he took them over when he became boyfriend and fiance and finally husband.

    Now, I know I have to put more effort into friendships. It’s easy to fall back on my relationship with Sweets if I want to be lazy. It’s also important to recognize that Sweets deserves time and attention, too. The balance of life is far different now than it was 5 years ago.

    Before you run out trying to replace all the friendships that have changed, ask yourself what you really need. I have found that, while at one point in my life, I cherished having a wide net of friends, now I would rather have a much smaller circle of really good friends. So, why not use this time in your life as an opportunity to evaluate what you need/want and then seek it out!

  6. i totally know how you feel about trying to make an effort to see a friend and having it just be so much work. i’ve been trying to grab dinner with a friend for almost two years now, it’s crazy and we both are just so busy. thank goodness for facebook i say because otherwise i wouldn’t know what was going on in her life!

  7. Gosh getting together with friends can be a lot of work and time. The scheduling and rescheduling and making sure the other person is having fun and the last minute changed. Honestly that’s why I’m on Facebook and e-mail. Saves so much time.

  8. I’m going through the exact same thing and have been for a few years now. I wish I could say it gets better, but it doesn’t. I think we’re getting to the age where if we’re not paired off yet with a guy we’re forced to learn to enjoy things alone…
    My best advice is to not say anything and just roll with the punches. I’ve learned to be a lot more easygoing about things because dragging it all up just makes it worse.

  9. brookem

    i hear you lady. friendships always have a way of changing and taking on a new shape and look over time. i second what nilsa said- maybe take this time to evaluate what you are looking for in your friendships and go from there.

  10. Dating for friends is the WORST. Thank goodness for blogs…

    I kid, I kid.

    Sorta. 🙂

  11. Holy crap. Ten different comments by ten different users…on just one post? SG, you’re really coming along here! Feel proud.

    Also…does N read this?

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