After “that” happened

It’s just like me to announce an engagement and then disappear for weeks, isn’t it? For all the inquiring minds, here’s an update. For those who couldn’t give a shit, I do promise that this won’t become a total wedding blog. Notice the word “total”…I can’t promise it won’t come up again.

Basics
We’ve got the church and we’ve got the “hall”, which means we’ve also got the date next April. I really hate that word, hall. I wanted to do something different from the typical hotel ballroom or neighborhood hall, and I think we found it in one of the local yacht clubs. Their ballroom is lovely, their costs aren’t outrageous – though between all the liquor and snack upgrades DD wants, it’s definitely a bit more than I’d hoped to spend. Thank goodness we have parents who are helping and who loved the venue as well.

We looked at three places and there’s a small part of me that thinks we should have expanded the search to find something even more cost effective, but that would have meant looking at even more non-traditional locales that would have required us to bring in our own food, liquor, linens, etc. As much as I wanted to be different, I also didn’t want the hassle. Though I have experience planning events and my day job is as a project manager, I didn’t want my wedding to get so detailed that it becomes that heinous project I don’t want to manage.

The Budget
Though the wedding is 12 months out, I’m already having dreams and mild panic attacks. At first, it was about the location. Was I looking everywhere? Had I exhausted my options? Was I making the right decision?

Now, it’s about the budget. First, our current budget is much more than I thought I’d be spending on my wedding. The expense frustrates me, and the majority of it isn’t even my money! Second, there will be lots of hands in the pot; DD and I, his aunt, and my parents – who are picking up most of the tab. I’m trying to walk a fine line between involving our families and also making it clear that we (read: I) have certain ideas about our wedding. Thus far, they’ve been great. Fingers crossed. 

Though, I don’t think I will ever full get over the awkwardness that is the money. My parents and I have never really discussed money and in their minds I’m still their little girl so they shouldn’t discuss money. When I sat down with them to try to get a handle on how they were interested in helping (read: how much they were willing to give), it was nothing less than awkward. At almost 30, it’s hard for me to ask my parents to just shell out tens of thousands of dollars, but it’s also hard for me to drain my own savings account that could go toward the future for DD and me.

I think we’ve finally come to an understanding on who will be pitching in and with how much. I hope we have. Frankly, that’s the other thing about the budget that has me stressed. While we have a general idea of how much we have available to spend on each thing, I really have no idea if those estimates are doable in today’s Wedding Business. Yes, that deserves capital letters.

In addition, DD and I have very different ideas on where we want to spend money and where we don’t. For instance, I could give a shit about the late night snack, but I really want to rent fancier chairs. He’s the opposite – oh, and throw in the premium liquor, too!

Perhaps that’s why God made weddings in the first place. To offer the happy couple a little test on compromise and financial planning.

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7 Comments

Filed under DD (aka My Man), Detroit, family values, relationships, Wedding

7 responses to “After “that” happened

  1. dude, i’d use folding chairs if i could get all the late night snacks i want. that’s one of my favorite parts of weddings!

  2. Wow way to go getting so much locked up. You have the foundation, the rest will come from here 🙂

  3. I can’t believe I missed saying CONGRATS!!1! on your original engagement post 🙂

    Wedding planning is hugely stressful and the money part really is so awkward. Everyone seems to have their own idea of what is appropriate. I’m REALLY hoping Dan and I don’t run up against that when we tell my parents we want a small wedding, not in a church, less than 100 people. NOT the big shindig they threw for my sister. No thanks.

    You really are doing well and on track though – I bet a lot of things will end up being easier than you thought as long as you approach them in an organized and honest fashion. You have time. Enjoy DD and your engagement! And tell him I vote for premium liquor.

  4. I have a budget spreadsheet that I can send you, if interested. A friend provided it to me and I expanded it for our own use. It will tally your totals and who is paying for what. Also gives you a general reference for costs to think about.

    I think you’ll also learn quickly that you can “keep looking” on almost every aspect of the wedding. Locations, flowers, dresses, photographers, etc. Make a pact with yourself that once you’ve made a decision, you’re going to move forward to the next thing. Otherwise, you could spend this next year second guessing yourself and that’s no fun.

  5. Oh wedding planning. So full of ups and downs. When it starts getting particularly stressful and you begin wondering if it’s worth it and maybe you’ll just elope, remind yourself of one thing that makes it all better: CAKE TASTING.

  6. I’ve never thought of a wedding as a test on compromise and financial planning. That’s a brilliant way to look at it!

  7. Congrats on your engagement!

    Bahaha. I blogged about getting engaged last year (buried it at the bottom of a long travel post) and got SO many comments asking for more details. I also promised not to get all wedding-y on everybody but so far I’ve done the exact opposite and haven’t thought about it at all. Now, a year on, I’m finally starting on the planning process (hopefully will have some progess to post soon…) We’re thinking about a hall as well, either a boat club or bowling club.

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